


Beer, Boyfriends and Bedroom Talk

by Sophia_Clark



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-War, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Ron, Coming Out, Eavesdropping, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, HP: EWE, Humor, M/M, Oblivious Ron, POV Hermione Granger, Partial Nudity, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-08
Updated: 2011-04-08
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophia_Clark/pseuds/Sophia_Clark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione is in for a shock when she pays her boyfriend a visit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beer, Boyfriends and Bedroom Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [enchanted_jae](http://enchanted-jae.livejournal.com/)'s Monthly Drabble Challenge #62 on lj, with the prompt [_LOLCat #4 - passed out_](http://cheezburger.com/2483825408).
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Hermione stood in the doorway and looked around the room slowly. She supposed she shouldn't be shocked; last night Harry and Ron had gone out with some of the other Aurors for a "boys' night." By the look of things, they had continued with the revelry once back in their flat. Beer bottles and fish and chips wrappers were strewn about everywhere, along with a few stained articles of clothing. Hermione shook her head in disgust at the war-zone that was once a living room and walked carefully over to the sofa, avoiding a questionable mess of green goo as she went.

"Ronald Weasley, it is half noon! Get your lazy bones up this instant!" Her boyfriend was sprawled in a rumpled heap, arms and legs hanging over the sides and back of the sofa and mouth wide open as he snored loudly. At Hermione's words, the snoring cut off rather jaggedly, sounding like a pig in distress.

Ron blinked his eyes open and slouched into a seated position. Upon spotting Hermione in front of him, hands on her hips and an angry gleam in her eye, he quickly sat up a bit straighter.

"'Mione, what are you doing here? You're a bit early, yeah?" Ron said, his voice heavy with sleep. He knew at once he was in trouble, just by the set of Hermione's jaw. He glanced around the room and winced; the place was even more of a mess than usual. It looked like he was in for a rough day.

"Actually, Ronald, you'll find that you're a bit late. I waited for you at the restaurant for nearly a half-hour! And here I find you still passed out with your flat looking like it's undergone a tornado!" She crossed her arms over her chest and glared, causing Ron to mentally tremble. He took a deep breath and smiled at her sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, 'Mione, honest! Harry and I just got a bit carried away is all. Dan's wife just had the baby and he wanted a big celebration. We didn't get in 'til late." He hoped that his girlfriend wouldn't stay angry for long. She could be frighteningly similar to his mother when she got going. He hated being in the doghouse, and enjoyed their make up sessions quite a bit more these days than he had before they started dating. He was eager to get on to that part.

Hermione eyed him suspiciously for a long moment, and Ron had the impression that she knew what he was thinking. Finally, she sighed and said, "While I feel it is important for you to socialize with your co-workers once in a while, it is also important to socialize with me, Ronald. You promised me lunch today, so go and get yourself cleaned up while I try to find Harry in this mess."

Ron was extremely pleased that she was no longer shouting, but her continued use of his given name made him stop himself from swatting her on the arse as she turned around. It was a close thing though. Instead he simply mumbled, "Yes, dear," and padded off toward the shower.

Hermione poked her head into Harry's room, expecting to see his mop of black hair peeking out from the bed covers. What she found instead was an empty bed that looked entirely un-slept in. She was surprised but enormously pleased that Harry at least had managed to get himself up at a reasonable hour, and hadn't brought the chaos engulfing the rest of the small flat into his room. It wasn't spotless, but there weren't any takeaway wrappers either. Closing Harry's door, she made her way down the hall to the tiny kitchen-slash-dining room area to make herself a cup of tea. When she walked through the doorway, she froze and then gasped.

Harry was not, as Hermione had assumed, awake, dressed and out of the flat. He was in fact fast asleep, nude but for a tight threadbare sleep shirt, and was inexplicably lying on top of the china cabinet in the corner. How he had gotten up there was anyone's guess; Hermione figured he wouldn't be any the wiser himself. All of that however was not what made her cheeks flame red or her mind swim in a rapid whirl of thought. Curled up half on top of Harry was none other than Draco Malfoy. Malfoy worked with Hermione at the Ministry and was actually pleasant most of the time. He no longer called her a Mudblood or sneered at her, at any rate. Still, she hadn't known that he and Harry were...friends...or whatever it was that was going on here. The blond man was every bit as nude as Harry, although his light blue undershirt looked to be made of expensive silk rather than cotton.

As Hermione stood rooted to the spot and stared in open-mouthed amazement, Malfoy shifted slightly and she could see Harry's arms curl more tightly around him in an unconscious response. Blinking repeatedly, she came to herself, but before she could turn around and pretend she hadn't seen anything, Malfoy's eyes opened and he seemed to spot her at once.

"Granger? What are you doing here?" He looked confused and groggy for only a moment. Then, gazing around and taking in his surroundings more closely, his focus sharpened and his pale cheeks turned a bright pink. He cleared his throat uneasily. "Right, well I think I'll just get us to Harry's room then, shall I? See you Monday, Granger." His tone coupled with the look in his stormy eyes told Hermione that there would be no discussion of this matter whatsoever. She didn't mind; she would simply pry everything out of Harry later anyway. And it's not as though she would have thought to tell anyone about this. Hermione prided herself on being in Harry's confidence and hated gossip. She nodded, and with a last look, Malfoy clung to Harry more tightly and Disapparated them both with a _crack_.

After a few minutes of silent thought, Hermione shook herself and went back down the hall toward Ron's room. As she passed by Harry's door, she could hear the faint rustling of sheets and then Harry's voice saying, "Mmmm...morning, love."

Oh, but she couldn't help herself; she paused to listen as Malfoy spoke up. "Good morning, Harry. Listen, we might have a bit of a problem with Granger. She saw us together just now." Malfoy sounded unsure, and Hermione bit her lip as she waited for Harry to respond.

"Hermione saw us? What was she doing in my room?" Harry's voice was deep and gruff from sleep and probably a slight hangover. Hermione could clearly imagine the way his brows were surely knitted together in confusion.

Malfoy took a deep breath, to steady himself or get his thoughts together, Hermione couldn't be positive. "Actually, Harry, we weren't in here. We were in the dining room. On top of the china cabinet." There was a short pause, then, "Don't ask me how we got up there, I really don't remember much from after you came over to see me last night."

Harry grunted in sympathy. "Yeah, I'd say we both got pretty pissed. And I was already on my way there before I even got to yours. All the guys wanted to buy a round. It was even worse than that time we went- wait!" Harry cut off abruptly, and when he found his voice again, it was obvious that he was now fully awake and focused on the conversation. "Did you just say we were on top of the china cabinet?!? Shit, well that's a new one! Ha! Remember that time we woke up on your dad's desk? He'd hex my bollocks off if he found out about that."

Malfoy chuckled. "Well then I'll be sure never to tell him. I like your bollocks right where they are, thank you." The sheets rustled some more and the men were quiet for a few moments. "But what about Granger?" Malfoy asked softly. "What are you going to tell her?"

Harry sighed heavily. "We'll tell her the truth. That we've been together for a year now, we're looking for a flat together, and there's nothing she or anybody else can do about it. I was going to tell her and Ron soon anyway, you know that. I'd have had to when I moved out, at the very least. Sneaking around with you and meeting in secret just turned out to be a lot hotter than I realized it would be. I'm surprised we managed to last as long as we did before being caught."

"Mmmm...our clandestine coupling has been rather hot, it's true. However, I'll be glad when I can hold your hand in public and let your many hoards of admirers know you're off the market." More rustling could be heard through the door, and Hermione got the distinct impression that she was listening to the two men snog. She was just about to turn and leave when Harry spoke again.

"Well, now that Hermione knows there's no reason to try and hide it. I'm sure she'll be fine with us eventually, even if it takes her some getting used to. Hell, maybe she can use my moving out as an excuse to finally get a place with Ron. That'll make her happy." Hermione grinned. This thought had already occurred to her when Harry had mentioned moving out. "Ron will most likely be another story. He can be a bit stubborn when he wants to be." Hermione just barely held back a snort at the understatement.

"Yes well, we Malfoys are persistent, determined and resourceful by nature; I'll win him over with my charm, you'll see. He won't know what hit him." Hermione could practically hear the man's smirk through the door.

Harry's laugh was warm and full of affection. Hearing it made Hermione smile like a loon instantly. "I'm counting on it, love. Ron's my best mate, but he'll just have to understand that you're it for me. I expect you both to play nice. Now come on, let's take a long, hot shower together. I'm stiff all over from sleeping on the damn china cabinet."

There was a dark chuckle. Then Malfoy murmured silkily, "I expect I can give you a hand with that. I'll take care of your little, or should I say _quite considerable_ , stiffness problem, and then we can get started showing your friends just how spectacular I am." There was a _smack_ and more chuckling, and the sounds of two men racing each other to the shower.

Hermione hurried away from the door and into Ron's room. She was glad he and Harry each had their own en suite, because somehow she didn't think the best way for Ron to find out about Harry and Malfoy would be for them to burst in on him in the shower. She was giggling at that mental image when Ron walked in with a towel slung low on his waist.

"Er, hi, 'Mione. I'll be ready to go in a minute. Sorry again." He looked so adorable when he was remorseful (not to mention sexy what with the water sliding from his hair down his firm chest) that Hermione found she couldn't stay upset with him. Besides which, she reasoned that the coming conversation with the lovebirds in the shower would be hard enough on her boyfriend without Ron feeling cornered on all sides. It would go more smoothly if he felt that not everyone was against him.

She smiled slightly and said, "It's alright, Ron. You know what? Why don't I just make us something to eat here instead? Take your time getting dressed." She then leaned in and kissed his cheek softly and left for the kitchen. They could all do with some good food and a spot of tea before the bomb went off.

Ron sighed in utter relief. It looked as though his time in the shower had cooled Hermione off considerably. She could be very sweet when she wanted, and was an excellent cook. His stomach rumbled in anticipation of lunch. He took his time drying off and getting dressed, wanting to give his girlfriend enough time to finish cooking. As he walked down the hall, he could smell the wonderful aroma of chicken and cheese from the kitchen and could hear Harry's shower running. He smiled at the prospect of food and time spent with his two favorite people. _I guess today won't be as bad as I thought!_

 _Fin_.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Harry Potter is a Dirty Exhibitionist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1200571) by [eidheann](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eidheann/pseuds/eidheann)




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